No Rest for the Weary...

Well, I should have known the tranquility I have enjoyed up to now was destined to end. For the past two weeks, I have dealt with nothing but family drama/politics and extreme sleep deprivation from an inability to get comfortable in bed no matter what position I try. Consequently, it looks like the bar exam is going to be a wash this time around...and a rather expensive wash, at that. However, I still have until July to pass the damned thing. And that is a relief.

I'm trying not to blame myself too much. I had no frame of reference to know how uncomfortable I would be at this stage of pregnancy (now at 37 weeks). And the family drama/politics, well...I don't blame myself for that, either. I'll say no more.

As for the BOY himself, he seems to be doing extremely well. After consideration, I fired the doctor who failed to question the complete previa. It would not have taken much for him to confirm the diagnosis, which nearly subjected me and the BOY to an unnecessary obligatory c-section. Although that error was in my favor, I want to minimize the likelihood of future errors. So we have a new doctor, who actually has a better bedside manner than the old one. It's kind of funny their change in attitude...it's gone from "you're a walking, talking hemorrhage waiting to happen!" to "don't worry about it, you're fine" and "nah, we don't need to be doing so many ultrasounds". Which is good, I guess...but I'm now a lot more skeptical about what they tell me than I was before.

Week before last, I thought the BOY was preparing to drop because we lost a centimeter on my measurements. But then we gained two centimeters last week. So it doesn't look like the BOY is in any hurry to go anywhere. Which is fine because we're only at 37 weeks and obviously, the more time he gets to "cook", the better. I'm still having Braxton-Hicks contractions, but those are the only contractions I'm having at this point.

There is a possible problem with the umbilical cord, which is low because of the low-lying placenta. Of course, last week was the first time I heard anything about it. So if the BOY begins his descent and the cord starts to descend with him, it will get pinched and cut off his oxygen. Which will necessitate an emergency c-section. And the new doctor just wanted to warn me about that. So I've been warned...but we'll see what this week's ultrasound indicates.

As far as the family drama/politics is concerned, there is now a great deal of uncertainty on my part as to whether I will be delivering the BOY alone or not. I have no choice but to plan to be alone during the delivery and then I'm pleasantly surprised if it doesn't work out that way. There are also good people who have volunteered to step in...but that's a lot to ask of somebody this late in the game. Ultimately, I chose to do this alone and alone it shall be, if necessary. I'm not going to indulge in self-pity...this was my choice. It's just a shame how you can feel secure in some things and then realize it's all an illusion. But I'm happy the BOY seems to be healthy...I'm trying not to stress him out too much by stressing myself about all the drama going on around us. I need to keep our distance from that crap...for his sake and mine.

As I type, there's a lot of activity going on in there. It's possible that somebody might be hungry. When certain people around here get hungry, they move around a lot and play with other people's bladders. This can be quite uncomfortable, particularly if the bladder in question is full (which doesn't take much, at this point). So it appears that my immediate mission is to a) empty said bladder; and b) feed hungry people. And that's not a problem at all...( :

By Popular Demand...

Apparently for some folks, it's a bit beyond the realm of believability that I would ever be pregnant. Accordingly, there have been a number of requests for photographic evidence of my pregnancy beyond the ultrasounds. I can understand and appreciate the skepticism...getting pregnant was not exactly something I was planning on doing at this time last year. And if anybody had asked me, "Do you think you'll be pregnant this time next year", I would have laughed.

After a long period of procrastination (due primarily to vanity, I'm afraid), I am now going to provide the requested photographic documentation. Due also to vanity, these photographs are only of me from the neck down...I am NOT the stereotypical "glowing" pregnant lady. I am the stereotypical "extremely zitty" pregnant lady. And most of you are aware that I am not photogenic, in general. Needless to say, I'm depriving you of my head shots...I promise you're not missing much. If this isn't enough for you skeptics, I apologize...you're just going to have to take what you're given for now. ( :<

I think this extremely orange shirt makes me look bigger than I really am. Or maybe it just makes me look like a pumpkin. I don't know. But here is the front view:

Right-side view:


And left-side view:

I've only gained about 25 pounds, so most of what you're seeing is all-BOY. And he is going to be a big BOY, too...he should be at about six pounds this week and we're only at 35 weeks. Scary. Am I sure I want to try to do this without pain medication? Not so much...but I'm going to, anyway.

I went to a class on childbirthing today...we watched a video that was interesting but not particularly surprising. I came out of it with the following impressions:

• That some women are drama queens and it's annoying to watch. Screaming, crying, carrying on...I just don't think that type of behavior is necessary. I may be singing a different tune once I'm there. But I really don't see myself that way...I see myself cussing a little (or a lot) under my breath, I see myself moaning and groaning a little bit, I see myself asking the BOY to please hurry it up, I see myself asking my parents to please hurry it up, but mostly, I see myself laughing at myself and my pathetic state. I'm also going to be thinking about the birth part of "Bill Cosby: Himself" and resisting the urge to say, "I WANT...MORPHINE!" ( :<
  

• I'm going to be doing a lot of walking and squatting and sitting throughout labor...I'm going to try to stay as vertical as possible. Because gravity apparently makes things easier for the BOY and ultimately, for me. And that just makes sense.
  

• There is going to be a LOT of ice consumption. I am going to be an ice-munching monster throughout labor. It's going to be kind of scary.

• I am going to LOVE the jacuzzi that's in the birthing room. It's going to be fabulous (under the circumstances)!

• I'm not going to the hospital until contractions get to be about five minutes apart. I didn't realize that some women go to the hospital on their first contraction. That's not going to be me, however...barring unforeseen circumstances. I don't think I'm going to want to be at the hospital any longer than I have to be.

That's about it. It's weird that I've gone from "c-section" girl to "vaginal delivery" girl in the space of a week. I realize, of course, that I may still need to have a c-section if the shit hits the fan. But I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

The BOY should be dropping anytime now...I guess that's kind of an interesting sensation. I think it's going to be happening sooner than later. I've been having some new, weird, cramping pains around my pelvis, and I guess that's an early indicator that the baby is going to drop. But I have a doctor appointment later this morning, so we'll have to see about that.

I may have more to say after the doctor appointment, so stay tuned! ( :

Never Mind...

So this pregnancy has taken a turn for the better...although things are getting weirder and weirder. However, I need to make it clear from the get-go that I am NOT complaining about anything. Because if people must complain, they should only complain about bad things that happen. Not good things. This is just my opinion.

So there's kind of a lengthy backstory here and I'll try to get through it as briefly as possible. Last week I go in for my weekly appointment, the doctor tells me that he wants to start monitoring the baby to make sure he's getting enough bloodflow with the previa. Not one to play a role in the deprivation of the BOY's bloodflow, I agreed and went to the OB section to be monitored. They hooked me up to this quasi-ECG machine and slapped some paddles on my belly where the BOY is. So the thing starts monitoring the BOY's heartrate and I start having Braxton-Hicks contractions every 3-5 minutes (very unusual for me) and the BOY starts flopping around, seemingly irritated by the disturbance. The nurse gets concerned about the B-H contractions, I tell her that I think it's the paddles that are inspiring them, she disagrees with me and calls the OB doctor, who tells her to give me some anti-contraction medication.

Now, I've been really, really lucky during this pregnancy (all things considered) to not have had any occasion to take any kind of medication. Any pain I've experienced was not really enough to justify taking painkillers, I haven't had any colds or viruses (knock wood)...I've been fortunate to have been able to keep this pregnancy as laissez-faire as possible and I want to keep it that way. So when the OB doctor wants me to take two doses of anti-contraction medication, I resist. I explain that I haven't had B-H contractions that frequently and that I think it's my body's tactile reaction to the paddles on my belly. Of course, the OB doctor disagrees and tells me that the medication is not long-lasting, will have no effect on the BOY and that it's just to interrupt the contraction cycle. So they finally talk me into it and I take the medication. Of course, it has no effect on the B-H contractions and I'm talking to the OB doctor about how they're not going to have an easy time pumping me full of drugs if I don't feel it's necessary. The OB doctor asks me if I've had any bleeding and I say no. The OB doctor thinks it's strange that I haven't had any bleeding at all because women with a complete previa apparently bleed to some extent. The OB doctor asks me when my last "wand" ultrasound was and I told him it was in September and that I haven't had one since because of the complete previa diagnosis. The OB doctor doesn't like that and asks me if he can do a "wand" ultrasound to see if I really have a previa or if there has been some kind of misinterpretation. Encouraged by the OB doctor's skepticism, I agree.

So we do the "wand" ultrasound and sure enough, the OB doctor finds that if you turn the wand in one direction, it looks like I have a complete previa. If you turn the wand in the opposite direction, it looks like what is called a "marginal" previa (less than 2 cm. from the oss but not covering it) and may even be a "low-lying placenta" (2 cm. or more from the oss). The OB doctor orders a full ultrasound in Radiology to confirm, but thinks that there is a possibility that I may not have a previa at all. So that's hopeful, right? Right. And I'm wondering why my regular "high-risk pregnancy" doctor didn't pick that up.

So the next day, I go to Radiology and have a full-on "wand" ultrasound with apparently the most experienced nice ultrasound lady ANMC can provide. Sure enough, the nice ultrasound lady confirms that the placenta is about 1 cm. from the oss and that the fibroid seems to have gone MIA. I have to wait about a week for my next doctor appointment to see what this means. But I decide that if there is no complete previa, I want to at least try for a vaginal delivery and if there are complications during the birth, then we can discuss a c-section at that time.

So I have the next doctor appointment today and I'm ready for a huge fight about whether or not I need a c-section. But my preparedness was for nothing...the doctor explains that having a vaginal delivery is now an option and that a c-section will only come into play if it becomes necessary during the delivery. He asked if the nice ultrasound lady was able to determine where the fibroid was and I told him that according to her, it went MIA. I did find a hard something that appeared on my left side recently. He checked it and sure enough, the fibroid has migrated to the far left side of my body and is now completely out of the BOY's way. So there is now nothing that stands in the way of my delivering the BOY vaginally. I'm no longer high-risk. I'm no longer a walking, talking hemorrhage waiting to happen. There is no perfect storm within me.

WTF???? Again, I'm not complaining. And paradigm shifts are healthy. But WTF?? The reason why I'm in Anchorage is because of my "perfect storm". Now that there is no "perfect storm" (and apparently never was), what does this mean? That I'm supposed to be in Anchorage right now for some reason? To study for and pass the bar? To enable me to have a lot of time to pump my body full of fresh, cheap, healthy food that I could only get in Anchorage? To enable me to spend quality time with the Family before the birth? To get me out of Bethel so I don't go insane? To get me a lot of time away from my stressful job? All of the above?

Again, I'm a little awed by this chain of events...that eerie feeling that I'm not running this show is back and stronger than ever. If I hadn't started having those atypical B-H contractions, the OB doc wouldn't have wanted me to take those drugs and I wouldn't have resisted and he wouldn't have started asking questions about the "previa". He just would have gone down the road my "high-risk" doc did and not questioned the prior ultrasounds. Things keep coming up roses for me and the BOY...even if it doesn't seem that way at first. It could be luck. It could be karma. It could be coincidence...hell, misdiagnoses happen all the time. It could be my dad/mom/grandparents hanging around and pulling strings for us. Whatever it is though, it's kind of scary. Needless to say, my agnosticism has only been strengthened by this pregnancy...it gets to the point where there are too many coincidences to explain away. So I'm just not going to bother. I'm just going to assume that whatever happens happens for a reason and that I just need to roll with it and not try to figure it out.

If my dad were reading this, he would say, "Aw, horseshit" and tell me to stop making something out of nothing. And that also sounds like good advice to me. (:<

The BOY is doing great...he's gone head-down and seems to respond to music and my voice. He's very gentle with my internal organs (knock wood)...only very occasionally does he do something to tweak my bladder. He can kick HARD when he feels like it, however...but he never kicks me where it hurts. It might ALMOST hurt...but it doesn't actually hurt. And for this, I'm grateful.

The nice ultrasound lady was able to get a really, really good look at the BOY's face. He's got his dad's eyes (Yup'ik epicanthic fold) and really, really chubby Yup'ik cheeks. So he's going to take after his dad in appearance, after all. And that's just fine with me. The nice ultrasound lady tried to get a picture of the BOY's face. However, after a couple of seconds, the BOY realized what we were up to and literally pushed himself back away from the "camera" so we could only see his mouth and nose. So I have a pic of the BOY's mouth and nose. And that's about it. I'll scan it in as soon as I get access to a scanner.

Last week, the BOY was measuring out at about 5 pounds, 9 ounces. By now (34 weeks), he should be up to about 6 pounds. My belly is measuring 37 cm., which I guess is pretty big for a 34-week pregnancy. It looks like I'm going to be having a big baby. And that's just a little intimidating.

That's about it for recent developments. As it stands now, I'm just going to go into labor as if this were a normal pregnancy (which it apparently is!) and if I start bleeding profusely, we'll have to start talking about a c-section at that point. But I'm very, very glad that a vaginal birth is now an option for us. I'm just hoping that it stays an option. In the meantime, I can now lift things again. I can exercise. I can stop treating myself like a walking, talking hemorrhage waiting to happen. Yay! (: